How it all began

Sometimes life doesn’t quite work out the way you imagined it would.

Through out my twenties I knew exactly what I wanted. Actually, let me rephrase that. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted. I had a game plan. I had a tick list, as I do for almost everything! And above all, I wasn’t scared to work towards it. I was very lucky to be (and still am) surrounded by the most amazingly supportive and loving family and so I chugged along and started ticking things off my “lifes’ wish list”.

• Go to university – tick.
• Get a job in the corporate sector – tick.
• Get married – tick. Buy a house – tick.
• Have children – tick and then….then what?

To the world outside I had the perfect life.

Somewhere amongst the chaos of life I woke up one day in my late thirties to realise I needed more. I didn’t by any means regret the things that I had achieved. Far from it.

I wasn’t happy.

I was tired.

Infact, I was exhausted.

Exhausted by the struggle to keep the sheer number of plasters i was using to cover the cracks in my life, from becoming unstuck.

The biggest crack was indeed – my marriage.

Eventually, after years of mental anguish and torment, I got out.

Yes. I made a conscious decision to change my life. I made a conscious decision to be the person that I wanted to be. I made a conscious decision to learn to laugh again. One of those deep laughs that comes from the pit of your belly and makes you feel exhilarated and exhausted at the same time.

I knew it would be hard but it had to be easier than what I was going through at the time.

During that time, despite being surrounded by people that loved, supported and often carried me through each day ( you know who you all are) I felt the most incredible sense of being alone.

I didn’t know any ‘asian’, ‘muslim’ and ‘divorced’ women in my family and I dont actually have many asian friends outside of my family so I felt an immense sense of isolation.

Slowly but surely, I made it through those dark times and now I want to use my experience to help those that find themselves in a similar situation. You dont have to be asian, muslim or even divorced. Even If I can help one person rebuild their life and not feel alone…this page will have been worth it.

So go ahead, reach out and grab my hand.

My parents really are amazing and without their steadfast love and support I wouldn’t be here writing today. They taught me to be strong, resilient and above all dignified. To my amazing sisters, brother and friends – I love you all more than words can ever say. Many of you will never know how far you carried me. To my fantastic counsellors, Anthea and Sharon – I will never forget you x